Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Weary


20 days until surgery, and let's face it, I'm so completely past miserable.  Every day drags on and seems to be a repeat of the day before.  Pain, pressure, burning, repeat.  It hurts so much to stand and walk very long.  I've become a fat-pro-couch-sitter.  I'm so frustrated that doctors do not warn people of the mesh used in bladder repairs.  Why do they even still use it?  Oh, to go back and NOT have had that procedure done!  I'm also fairly certain that my last surgery caused my uterine prolapse. 

I was recently talking to my sister Pauline.  She is expecting a baby and will be delivering soon.  I told her she was lucky to give birth to a cute little baby.  I am about to give birth to my uterus.  Gross.  I think I will name it.  Riley thinks it should be named Billy because that is her nickname for me.  I am kind of partial to Bertha.  I'm trying to keep some kind of sense of humor.  I've tied a knot at the end of my rope and have been holding on like crazy.  But, I'm about ready to tie that rope into a noose and hang myself.  Okay, maybe that is a bit dramatic.  There are days that I literally can feel that I am gritting my teeth.

During my research on removing mesh, I've learned that oftentimes it requires several surgeries to get the mesh out.  It is a very difficult surgery and is not always successful.  I feel plagued with worry.  I'm not sure I will ever feel normal again.  I know that worrying does absolutely nothing toward fixing the situation, but it is just human nature.  Plus, I'm just SO DONE.

My brother-in-law and his family say that when you are going through a terrible on-going situation, it's like eating a sh@# sandwich.  (Hey, they are the ones that came up with it, not me.)  Well, I have been savoring and sucking on that sandwich for over a year now.  Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack time.  Barf.

I'm just so done with health issues, it's not even funny.  Pray for me.  I'm not even joking.

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