Sunday, September 28, 2014

Finally arrived

Tomorrow I am heading for Utah.  The time for surgery has finally arrived.  I have never been so excited to have a surgery done.  Sounds kind of weird.  But, I have been miserable since April.  Monday is the pre-op and the next day, surgery.

This will be my 5th surgery (in my lifetime) where I've had to be put out with anesthesia.  I always seem to have a little twinge of panic a couple days before the surgery.  I am a baby.  A chicken.  I hate needles, blood, hospitals and mostly anything medical.  I can't watch a surgery on T.V.  I hate to even see pictures in a medical book.  I get light headed and nauseous.  My mom used to have to hunt for me as a child, when it was time to go get immunized or if I had an appointment with the dentist.  I would crawl into a closet in the house and sit quietly.  (Good thing I had such a patient mom.  If my kids did this, I'd probably want to kick their backside).

With one of my surgeries, I was still semi-awake as they wheeled me into the operating room.  The anesthesia hadn't quite kicked in.  I remember watching the ceiling tiles as I was being whisked down the hallway.  As we rounded the corner and into the room I recall seeing the big lights on the ceiling used for surgery, and I wanted to scream. 

Last July, when I was heading into surgery for breast cancer, I was SO nervous.  I spoke with the anesthesiologist to ask beg him to help me be asleep before entering the operating room.  I was out cold ten steps into the hallway.  What a relief.  The strange thing is...this time I am welcoming the surgery.  I'm hoping all my symptoms will go away after it is done.  My fear of needles and hospitals is still there, but I have become a little more brave as I have had to deal with LOTS of needles the past year.  When you are going through chemotherapy, you have a weekly needle in your arm if you don't have a port.  I did not have a port.

The surgery on Tuesday is supposed to take a couple of hours.  After that, I will spend a lot of time trying to wake up from the anesthesia...barf.  I hate that feeling.  Once I am fully wake and have passed off the checklist of things I need to do (pee on my own and such), they will release me from the hospital.  It is a day surgery.  Then John and I will jump into the car and drive the 3 hours home.  It would be nice to head back to the hotel and just sleep and relax, but I hate to have John miss a lot of days of work.  I am hoping that with my seat back and a few drugs, I will just sleep most of the way home.

I am fasting and praying today that the surgery goes well, and that the doctor will be guided.  I am grateful to my loving Heavenly Father, that He is watching over me and helping me to feel at peace.

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